It has been ingrained and programmed into me from very early on in life not to ask for help! Why? Is it some sort of virtue to try and do everything yourself? Never having to rely on others? A sign of failure if we need to ask for help? Research has shown (Psychology today) that the vast majority of us find it difficult to ask for help or assistance. Often it is because of the messages we have been given from our family when we were growing up, that there is value in working things out ourselves. Sometimes putting ourselves out there to ask for help makes us feel vulnerable, unsure or afraid of rejection. Perhaps in the past others have not viewed the request for assistance favourably and this prevents us from asking for help comfortably again. It can be a tricky area. I know!
Despite my resistance to asking for help, of late I have been “testing” getting more help. Instead of automatically doing things myself, I pause before doing so and I think “who can I ask for help?”. This has been at home, at work and amongst my “circle” of friends. As women we often just find doing everything ourselves just easier, but meanwhile those around us don’t necessarily see or value what we do. We can also be limiting the opportunity for those around us to connect with us and be enabled.
My “test” in getting help has certainly lightened my load at home particularly. I am getting help with cooking, taking out the garbage, hanging out the clothes, cleaning and gardening just to name a few. At work staff are helping me with my daily tasks during COVID 19. As a result of this they are starting to understand what is involved in what I do and appreciate some of the complexities and problems I face. Win win all round I say.
So I challenge you – conduct your own little “test” on asking for help. Nothing to lose I say. Only spare time and more appreciation to gain. Good luck.
Iris May 6th May 2020
Be Kind to Yourselves - BK2Y 