BLOG#19 Aging disgracefully I say YEH baby!

What a perfect BLOG topic to end the year on! Especially since tomorrow, I am having a hip replacement!!  This is a topic that a few followers really wanted discussed.  To open up an honest conversation since (ahhem!) some of us are heading in this fantastic direction…..

As we age, we have a wealth of experience and insights from our lived experiences.  This means we are well placed and primed to determine how we want to age, what we are going to do etc.  For each BLOG I write, I always do a bit of research.  Funnily enough, for this topic I found next to nothing! We my friends are breaking new ground.  Paving the way for growing old disgracefully!  Here are some of my insights and thoughts:

Forget the rules!>

There are no bloody rules! That is the rule….. Just because you are maturing doesn’t mean there are any rules to be followed in this regard.  In fact, I would encourage you to push the boundaries! Question things, open up your minds to new ideas, experiences and opportunities.  Why not! I am not suggesting you do things that are unethical or illegal, but often as women we are conditioned to please, agree and compromise.  We often put aside our hearts desires to meet the needs of others.  There is no other time like the present to experience new things.  Do the things you have always wanted to do, the things that you worried might inconvenience others.  Forget the notion that we are ever going to be little grey haired old ladies knitting politely in a corner drinking tea saying “yes dear?”  .

Try new things>

Trying new things opens us up to new possibilities, ideas, thinking and also being creative.  This is often when we are out of our normal comfort zone.  We are no longer experts or know what or how something is done.  It puts us into a different zone.  Don’t be afraid of this zone.  I recently wrote a list of some things I would like to do that I have never done before.  I felt really excited and inspired afterwards.  I am making plans to undertake them.  Name it and then claim it!  Give yourself something different to look forward to.  The sky is the limit. Chose blue not grey! Try new not bland! Look back at BLOG#8 Creativity is not a bone in your body!

Plan to have fun>

For the past 2 to 3 decades my life has been mostly about work and family, with no regrets. I’m sure I am not alone in this. There was however not a lot of time to have fun as well as money.  The definition of fun is different for everyone.  For me it is spending time with precious good friends, laughing, having hearty discussions about just about anything, sharing experiences about our journey to the here and now.  Travelling is something I really want to do next. Soon. Now! See different places, interact with new people and explore. At my own pace away from the race! See BLOG#7 Fun Factor!

Let your hair down!>

Don’t be all buttoned up all of the time. Life is full of responsibilities but hopefully these are lessening. Go out and party – you can still be home by 10pm! Book the taxi so you can have a drink or three and not worry about how you are going to get home. Go away for a few nights with those good friends or your partner, leaving the kids to fend for themselves.  They will love the opportunity to experience some independence and freedom. Have a drink at that trendy bar filled with “young” and “inexperienced” people. Go dancing. It isn’t really about what you do, it is about being spontaneous and letting yourself go a bit.  Stepping outside the mold of adulting and responsibility, the freedom to do whatever lets your hair down. 

Sex – yes please….>

Quality is better than quantity here, as well as some good lubrication!  If my children read this – deal with it! By now you know what you enjoy and like so if you haven’t said so – do it!  Foreplay is important especially for women.  Surely, we are past just “doin it for the team”.  Sex is an important part of an intimate relationship. Intimacy is not just about sex, it is about trust, closeness and being able to express ourselves.  Sex is also not always about intercourse.  As we age there are other ways, we can enjoy our sexuality.  My challenge is for all of us to embrace our sexuality, even as we age.  It is a complete myth that just because we are getting older, we should no longer desire or think about sex.  Have a look back at BLOG# 12 The feminine feminist

Be honest, be direct, with yourself and others>

By now we have earnt the right to be frank.  With ourselves and others.  What works for you? What doesn’t work for you? What are you capable of? I am finding these to be very important questions as I get older.  What really matters? To me? Brutality and abrasiveness are not required, just assertive conversations expressed from your point of view.  Look back at BLOG # 18 The boundary fence.

Work to live, not live to work>

Most of us do have to work.  For some time yet.  Full retirement at 60 seems impossible for most of us.  We have had our children later in life, many of us still have children living at home and will have for some time yet.  Yes, a good job and a career is a wonderful aspiration and thing, but don’t make it be everything.  Make time for enjoying life, being with loved ones and good friends, relaxing and doing what you enjoy.  In your personal time don’t be tempted to look at work emails. Value your personal time and what it can offer you outside of work.  Look back at BLOG#17 Money? Isn’t everything.

Choose good friends>

In my previous BLOG#6 The Sisterhood, I wrote about this very topic.  Choosing good friends is about being with your tribe, people who get you, support you through the highs, mediums and lows of life, people you can be real with and have a good belly laugh over some of life’s moments be they good, bad or unexpected! You will probably only find a good handful of these types of people.  That’s ok.  Quality is the key not quantity. As we age these friends become even more important to us.  Our kids and other family members grow up and move on.  Invest in a few good friends.  Make time for each other. Care about each other.  Be there for each other.  As time passes by you will see a definite return on your investment.

Make time for yourself>

By this time, you will have supported many other people throughout life, whether it be family, your partner, raising children or supporting others in your community.  Now is your time.  To put yourself at the top of your agenda.  If you have always wanted to do something, make it happen.  Only you can make it happen.  Don’t expect those around you to necessarily all endorse “you”.  This “new” you.  They might need to step up, be more independent.  Don’t let this stop you in your tracks.  Be even more determined. You get out of life what you put in.  It is that simple. Look back at BLOG#11 Live life from your heart.

Relax & kick back>

I love the slow movement.  It represents the opportunity to go about things in a considered manner, appreciating the intricacies and parts of whatever it is you are doing.  My body and mind are calling me to the slow movement.  To take a breath, enjoy the physical and mental benefits of relaxing.  Often there is no cost involved.  Turn the speed down on life at times.  Stop rushing.   Don’t burn yourself out. Ask for help. Remember BLOG#4 Burnout and BLOG#3 I hate asking for help!

Look after your health>

This sounds like boring and possibly obvious advice. I guess it is, however as we age this is as important as ever.  It is never too late to increase your level of fitness if it is low.  It is never too late to shift a few kilos. If you have mental health issues, see your GP or a counsellor. Start small.  Every bit of exercise helps such as a small walk or a swim. Increase the quantity of vegetables and fruits you eat rather than processes convenience food.  Have an informal chat with your GP. You don’t have to go all out.  Just start somewhere. Balance is the key.  This is all about longevity, increasing your lifespan and quality of life.  Get some friends to join you and have a laugh and a chat at the same time. Invest in yourself.  Invest in your health.  Without good health, it is hard to enjoy the fullness of what life has to offer. Look back at BLOG#16 In the habit

Embrace your body and style>

Our bodies are changing and it is time to embrace who we are.  Fashion and accessories have never been more affordable.  Forget the twin sets and pearls! Whatever your look and style, embrace it, with confidence.  Change it up if you like, as often as you want and can afford.  If this is not your thing that is also ok.  Just remember to do what makes you feel confident and comfortable.  That is the key.  What I am saying here is that just because we are aging, doesn’t mean we have to be daggy or prim and proper.  Hang onto a bit of that sass, spunk and individuality. There is no need to “blend” in or be “invisible” or adhere to some aging dress code. Have a look again at my BLOG# 10 Body – have I told you lately I love you? Remember, we only get one body.

Be positive!

Having a good mindset as we age is important.  We will continue to face challenges along the way. This is life.  Expect the unexpected.  We don’t have to look at the aging process all the time through a rose-tinted set of glasses, but our outlook and approach can change the way we see challenges and difficulties.  Check out BLOG# Positivity – positively nauseous!

I will keep doing my “personal” research on this topic – aging disgracefully! I will keep you posted! All feedback welcome. 

Written from my heart for yours.

Iris May

8^th Dec 2020