I was raised by a mother who encouraged me to use my intelligence, be independent and resourceful. She wanted more for her 5 daughters and son than she had, which is probably a common desire for women of her era. It was also the 80’s and much progress was being made in the realm of women being in the workforce, being educated and more financially independent and autonomous. It is now 2021 and I am still confounded by how often people have put me down for being so called “ambitious”. I think we need a frank, honest and open conversation about this. Time is up on this outdated opinion and societal belief system. I don’t see myself necessarily as ambitious, or if I am I don’t see anything wrong with this. According to the Insider (9 March 2020), while many women identify as ambitious, at least 30% are afraid to use this term or be labelled with this term in case it is seen as aggressive and more of an appropriate word used by men. Society is more comfortable with women using words like “motivated” rather than “ambitious”. Being motivated is more about having a strong incentive or a strong desire to succeed. Ambition on the other hand is about being successful, powerful or famous. There is also a lot of pressure on women and social conditioning to be “likeable” and this seems to translate to our work environment and careers and what will get us ahead more than being “ambitious”. Men are rewarded for being ambitious but I know from my own personal experience there are times I have felt penalised.
Women like men, can progress, lead, apply themselves, be decision makers and have independent desires, dreams and outlets. The fact that for most of us we are now important bread winners and contributors to the bottom line financial requirements of life, makes the difficulties of women around being ambitious all the more outrageous. Menial meaningless jobs are not all for women. I am intelligent, educated and capable of reaching well beyond mediocrity and the mundane, being paid accordingly for my skills, experience and abilities. The idea of working smarter not harder applies equally for women.
Often the criticism in my case came from other women which in itself is an issue for consideration. The criticism seemed directed at my role as a mother and partner, and that my primary vocation and existence should revolve entirely around this and that I was being selfish for pursuing anything else and neglecting my family. It also seemed to come from women who may have been threatened by me, mostly because they were different from me and perhaps could not relate to me. As time has gone by, instead of beating myself up for being “different”, “misunderstood” and even “judged”, I have learnt to accept myself and refuse to compare myself to other people. I am who I am. I don’t define myself by my gender. I do feel I have often been ‘limited’ by my gender especially in relation to ambition, career aspirations and leadership opportunities.
I would like to see people in general support each other when they have “ambition” regardless of their gender. Gender identity should not influence someone’s ability to set goals, achieve success or have ambition. It is also not a competition where if one person has ambition or reaches success, this means someone else can’t or should even feel any pressure to do so. We live in a world where there is much opportunity and many resources. Let each other fly, expand, experience life and all that is on offer.
Written from my highly motivated, warm and ambitious heart for yours.
Iris May 7th May 2021
Be Kind to Yourselves - BK2Y 