Being lonely can feel hard…..
Loneliness is an epidemic across the world, with the USA now calling it a “condition”, and they have dedicated programs to tackle it. From loneliness, medical conditions may include depression, anxiety, and even physical health conditions such as heart disease, stroke, high blood pressure and diabetes. The cost of loneliness hits our governments directly in the hip pocket, due to the cost of treating these conditions. People aged 15 to 24 are the demographic that experiences the most loneliness in Australia. Online social media is a major contributing factor, where young people have less interactions with each other face to face than they did in the past. Another group of people who suffer great loneliness are men aged 85+ Suicide in this group of people is very high. Risk factors for this group include loss of a loved one e.g. partner, moving into residential aged care where they may feel isolated e.g. family don’t have the time to visit them regularly, and no longer being engaged in employment or having few interests.
Is loneliness mine or your fault? ……
People say, “get out there”, sign up for something, as a way to connect with others. So, the responsibility for our loneliness is entirely our fault? I have recently taken employment thousands of km away from my family, as part of a solo sojourn, and for professional reasons. If I say I am lonely, the response is “you made the decision to do this”. Like my loneliness is a punishable offence. It has been hard. That’s the simple fact of my situation. The other contributing factor in my lifelong experience of loneliness, is my family relationships being fractured, permanently in many cases. A set of circumstances I was born into and not something I can solve. So being estranged from family is another reason for my loneliness. It is perpetual and ongoing. Today many families are complicated. Separated families, blended families, intergenerational trauma e.g spiritual abuse, sexual abuse, to name a few.
The positives….
Being lonely has resulted in some hard earnt positives for me. It has forced me to have a face-off with myself, getting in touch with some of my demons and perceived failures, having so much time on my hands. It has also forced me to look outside of myself and look for other connections. So now I am less likely to feel lonely when I am in my own company, because I now have connections with other people. My time by myself feels more like I am alone, rather than lonely. My world has extended beyond my tiny reality back home, something that feels priceless and invaluable. I have grown as a person. Being alone gave me time for self-reflection, which at times was not easy. Some say having this time to myself is selfish and not thinking of others. They can have their opinion, since it is based on just that, an opinion – not lived experience where I have moved myself out of my comfort zone, towards experiencing another place, time and culture. The prize is having a more open mind and heart to the world around us.
Remember, Be Kind to Yourselves
Iris @ BK2Y
17th May 2025
Be Kind to Yourselves - BK2Y 