Loneliness is an epidemic across the world, with the USA now calling it a “condition”, and they have dedicated programs to tackle it. From loneliness, medical conditions may include depression, anxiety, and even physical health conditions such as heart disease, stroke, high blood pressure and diabetes. The cost of loneliness hits our governments directly in the hip pocket, due to the cost of treating these conditions. People aged 15 to 24 are the demographic that experiences the most loneliness in Australia. Online social media is a major contributing factor, where young people have less interactions with each other face to face than they did in the past. Another group of people who suffer great loneliness are men aged 85+ Suicide in this group of people is very high. Risk factors for this group include loss of a loved one e.g. partner, moving into residential aged care where they may feel isolated e.g. family don’t have the time to visit them regularly, and no longer being engaged in employment or having few interests.
Is loneliness mine or your fault? ……
People say, “get out there”, sign up for something, as a way to connect with others. So, the responsibility for our loneliness is entirely our fault? I have recently taken employment thousands of km away from my family, as part of a solo sojourn, and for professional reasons. If I say I am lonely, the response is “you made the decision to do this”. Like my loneliness is a punishable offence. It has been hard. That’s the simple fact of my situation. The other contributing factor in my lifelong experience of loneliness, is my family relationships being fractured, permanently in many cases. A set of circumstances I was born into and not something I can solve. So being estranged from family is another reason for my loneliness. It is perpetual and ongoing. Today many families are complicated. Separated families, blended families, intergenerational trauma e.g spiritual abuse, sexual abuse, to name a few.
The positives….
Being lonely has resulted in some hard earnt positives for me. It has forced me to have a face-off with myself, getting in touch with some of my demons and perceived failures, having so much time on my hands. It has also forced me to look outside of myself and look for other connections. So now I am less likely to feel lonely when I am in my own company, because I now have connections with other people. My time by myself feels more like I am alone, rather than lonely. My world has extended beyond my tiny reality back home, something that feels priceless and invaluable. I have grown as a person. Being alone gave me time for self-reflection, which at times was not easy. Some say having this time to myself is selfish and not thinking of others. They can have their opinion, since it is based on just that, an opinion – not lived experience where I have moved myself out of my comfort zone, towards experiencing another place, time and culture. The prize is having a more open mind and heart to the world around us.
In 2023, the focus for Be Kind to Yourselves (BK2Y) is Getting Back to You (GB2U). This is about re-finding or re-defining ourselves. COVID for many of us meant we questioned a lot of things. For me it means going back to the basics and discovering who I really am. Stripping things to the core. Scary but exciting, but I know I will not be doing it alone……. My life’s journey has taken me down a lot of rabbit holes. Nothing against rabbits, but I feel like a few of them were dead-ends or I turned left rather than right. No regrets of course, just a chance to look at different rabbit holes, ones that are more fun, interesting, easier to navigate and less hard work. More about what I want and love, rather than have to’s, must do’s, worries and disapproval. Less living in my head and more from my heart. Forgiving myself and others. Loving myself and others. Who am I really? In 2023 I will find out. It is time to GET BACK TO YOU! Come along for the ride.
I came across this term recently – “clean pain versus dirty pain”. I found it really helpful as it made me realise that some of the pain I experience is dirty pain, something I can do something about which is also really helpful! Who wants to experience pain unnecessarily hey! Clean pain is the pain that is intrinsically unavoidable as a result of being a human being. Things happen in life that are part of being born, living and dying. Things like loosing a loved one and experiencing the pain of grief and loss, or the physical and emotional pain of health issues. The frustration and worry that you feel after loosing your job due to an economic downturn or a restructure.
Dirty pain on the other hand is the suffering we create in our own lives, due to ineffective and unhelpful thoughts, choices and actions. The idea here is not to blame ourselves or put ourselves down for having dirty pain, it is about self-awareness and self-responsibility. We really don’t have much control at the end of the day over a lot of things around us, but what we can change are our thoughts, choices and actions. This may sound simple, but I gave it a try and was pleasantly surprised by the opportunities that presented themselves and the outcomes. It will take me more practice and a willingness to reflect and learn. Like most things, it won’t happen overnight.
Dirty pain can follow after clean pain as a result of trying to avoid or ignore the clean pain, but essentially ends up prolonging our pain. Avoidance might be around denying the clean pain or the choices that are necessary in order to move beyond the clean pain. We cannot avoid pain altogether. An example is a relationship breakdown. The clean pain is heartbreak and a sense of loss which is completely normal. Dirty pain is not doing anything about it and continuing to experience the frustrations and difficulties of why the relationship is not working in the long run. Like it or not, pain does give us opportunities for personal growth. This is unfortunate, but another human reality. From my experience when I have experienced pain and adversity in my life, although I did not welcome it at the time, looking back now, something good did come out of it. A new outlook, an appreciation of something or doing something I had been procrastinating about.
Other examples of dirty pain includes things like:
>Putting up with a stressful and difficult job, boss or colleagues
>Trying to be an absolute expert about everything
>Not allowing ourselves to make mistakes or ask for help
>Adhering to an impossible regime, timetable or set of responsibilities
>Trying to achieve too many goals
>Expecting unrealistic things of other people
>Working harder and harder for no return or to the detriment of our family or our own health
>Continuing to do something that is clearly not working for fear of criticism or looking like a failure and being judged
>Having road rage in the traffic or being continually crapped off about the weather
>Trying to control everything in our lives. It is impossible and the more we try to control everything around us, the more dirty the pain and prolonged it will be
>Experiencing past trauma and it deeply affecting every area of your life and not being willing to seek help so that you can live a more functional, fulfilling and happy life.
No one is saying that either clean pain or dirty pain is easy or avoidable. The idea is to avoid as much of the dirty pain as possible or lessen its impact and duration. You can always take a u-turn and start over again, or turn right instead of left and change the course of your life through different thoughts, choices and actions. Doing this by yourself may not be easy. Look to other supports you have around you or professional help if that is also required.
What I am coming to learn is that there is great value in talking about things with others. By doing this we get things off our chest, get to talk things through and get rid of a lot of pent-up anxiety. Worry and anxiety if not processed and dealt with, can build up tension and create more stress if not addressed. I’ve been left feeling pretty miserable at times because I haven’t talked things over with someone. I’ve mulled things over in my head and gone around and around with no way out.
The best type of a chat is having someone who listens. Just being heard in itself can help improve the situation. Sometimes the people listening think they have to give advice, but in reality sometimes it is best not too. The problem solvers of the world may disagree with this, but often in giving advice we may appear to be judging the person or make them wrong for how they feel. Not on purpose, but really what the person wants as they talk things over, is a genuine and compassionate set of ears. That said, getting another person’s perspective can also be a good thing. Especially if the other person isn’t involved in your situation. A fresh set of ears and eyes looking at your problem can make all of the difference and give you a different outlook.
Let’s talk! Sooner rather than later. Phone a friend, family member or even a professional. Choose people you feel comfortable and at ease with.
Make time for each other and be available to listen, with your heart as much as your ears.
The grass sometimes appears greener on the other side, be it in your friends lives or their relationships or careers. If COVID has showed me anything, it is that the simple things in life are often the sweetest. I seem to be returning time and time again to this small golden grain of knowledge. That said!…… I am wanting to make my own grass greener, by appreciating how good my life is by appreciating things like my children, partner, close friends, the beautiful location I live in, my home, my garden, all the animals around me, the huge variety of food I can buy close by…… the list goes on. I’m still undecided about my career, work, yeh that thing that pays the bills! But again, I can see the good things like having a permanent job 15 minutes from home along with the lovely people I work with and 10 weeks leave – to live my real life! Perspective is everything.
It is true however that sometimes the grass is greener on the other side – but instead of complaining about it or being jealous or envious, I intend to get off my proverbial bum and take myself to the other side! It is up to me to create some spice and variety in my life, open up my world and mind to new experiences. As they say “I am not a tree so I can move!”. Life is not to be wasted and opportunities around me are abound. Once we have more freedom due to COVID, I am going to celebrate milestones, create more memories with my family, go on road trips with others and by myself, explore the world around me including art, landscapes and natural wonders. It is up to us to make our patch greener, feed it a little or a lot. We are in the driver’s seat, gears in hand and foot on the accelerator of life. No more hand braking. I am taking hold of the steering wheel of my life….. Watch this space….
Go greener, wider & bigger. Be kinder to yourselves.
I was raised by a mother who encouraged me to use my intelligence, be independent and resourceful. She wanted more for her 5 daughters and son than she had, which is probably a common desire for women of her era. It was also the 80’s and much progress was being made in the realm of women being in the workforce, being educated and more financially independent and autonomous. It is now 2021 and I am still confounded by how often people have put me down for being so called “ambitious”. I think we need a frank, honest and open conversation about this. Time is up on this outdated opinion and societal belief system. I don’t see myself necessarily as ambitious, or if I am I don’t see anything wrong with this. According to the Insider (9 March 2020), while many women identify as ambitious, at least 30% are afraid to use this term or be labelled with this term in case it is seen as aggressive and more of an appropriate word used by men. Society is more comfortable with women using words like “motivated” rather than “ambitious”. Being motivated is more about having a strong incentive or a strong desire to succeed. Ambition on the other hand is about being successful, powerful or famous. There is also a lot of pressure on women and social conditioning to be “likeable” and this seems to translate to our work environment and careers and what will get us ahead more than being “ambitious”. Men are rewarded for being ambitious but I know from my own personal experience there are times I have felt penalised.
Women like men, can progress, lead, apply themselves, be decision makers and have independent desires, dreams and outlets. The fact that for most of us we are now important bread winners and contributors to the bottom line financial requirements of life, makes the difficulties of women around being ambitious all the more outrageous. Menial meaningless jobs are not all for women. I am intelligent, educated and capable of reaching well beyond mediocrity and the mundane, being paid accordingly for my skills, experience and abilities. The idea of working smarter not harder applies equally for women.
Often the criticism in my case came from other women which in itself is an issue for consideration. The criticism seemed directed at my role as a mother and partner, and that my primary vocation and existence should revolve entirely around this and that I was being selfish for pursuing anything else and neglecting my family. It also seemed to come from women who may have been threatened by me, mostly because they were different from me and perhaps could not relate to me. As time has gone by, instead of beating myself up for being “different”, “misunderstood” and even “judged”, I have learnt to accept myself and refuse to compare myself to other people. I am who I am. I don’t define myself by my gender. I do feel I have often been ‘limited’ by my gender especially in relation to ambition, career aspirations and leadership opportunities.
I would like to see people in general support each other when they have “ambition” regardless of their gender. Gender identity should not influence someone’s ability to set goals, achieve success or have ambition. It is also not a competition where if one person has ambition or reaches success, this means someone else can’t or should even feel any pressure to do so. We live in a world where there is much opportunity and many resources. Let each other fly, expand, experience life and all that is on offer.
Written from my highly motivated, warm and ambitious heart for yours.
How often do you kill your own confidence? Something happens around you and you by default, allow it to deflate you and bring you down like an inflated balloon? I have allowed this to happen to me once too often, letting peoples comments, judgements, moods or own lack of confidence affect me and I question everything about myself. At the end of the day it is only ourselves that can turn a situation of killing our own confidence, into having a killer confidence! The new “vogue” is people expressing themselves, telling everyone their opinions, ensuring their voice is heard etc. There is nothing wrong with this as long as it is assertive, constructive and meaningful. It doesn’t mean it is truth or fact. Always bear that in mind. Here are some ways I am practicing to enable my killer confidence:
>Don’t constantly seek the approval and validation of everyone around you
This puts you at an immediate disadvantage when it comes to your confidence as you are looking for affirmation from others to reinforce and justify your self-confidence. You will feel like a dog on a chain or a puppet with strings, being pulled and yanked in every direction without any confidence or grounding. I have been here in this exact place and I have had to make a conscious effort to be still, create space between the actions and feedback of others and my immediate reaction to others. Some people love drama and upsetting others. It gives them some type of ego boost and power which is very sad. You don’t have to get “hooked” by these types of people or interactions. Life is too short to seek the approval of others. Believe in yourself and trust your intuition and believe in your worth. No justification or approval needed! Concern yourself with the things that matter to you. Avoid drama and gossip which is often personal, not constructive or aimed at lifting us up
>Be careful with your self-talk
How often do you head straight to victim mode thinking, letting negativity get the best of you or you say “why me?” or “this is unfair” or “I am hopeless” or “I can’t do this anymore”? Don’t believe or absorb everything you hear or read – our world is full of constant information, images, opinions, advise about what you should or shouldn’t do and messages in general. Limit your exposure to this kind of information via the band wagon. I am not saying don’t be informed, but go to reliable authoritative sources rather than social media or news sites who have an overload of stories about negativity. I limit the amount of time I spend on Facebook, I refuse to join other new social media platforms such as Instagram and the like, and I don’t watch the news regularly or listen to it on the radio. My time here on earth is limited so I will not spend it on these things which often do not uplift me at all.
>Don’t keep trying to impress the wrong people
You don’t have to be popular or friends with everyone. Sometimes there are people who don’t have your back. You don’t need to understand them or their story. Move on. Disconnect. Sometimes this is crucial to maintain your killer confidence, rather than have your confidence killed. Don’t waste any further time. Lesson #101 to myself and what a difference this made. Find your tribe or people that get you, support you, don’t try and talk you out of your hopes, dreams and build your confidence rather than kill your confidence.
>Know and accept who you are
This means the good and bad bits of who you are. Your strengths and challenges. Accept that you are not perfect. Accepting both the good and the bad makes you whole. To be strong, you must accept the darker elements of your existence. Not one person on this earth only has good bits!
>Have personal goals
This always increases my confidence, and provides a place to go back to, to motivate myself and keep steering myself in some direction. My confidence grows as I get involved in achieving and completing my goals.
>Reflect on your past and your achievements
This always boosts my confidence. It’s easy to forget the amazing things we’ve done in the past, especially when we’re distracted by things that may not be going so well at the moment.
>Self-care is important when it comes to confidence
The way we present and project ourselves to the world, wider community and to others is important. You may wish to disagree, but my personal experience shows this does matter. In fact if I am feeling confident on the outside, this translates to my inside. I do it for me, not for anyone else. It can be the simple things like doing my hair, adding some jewellery or a nice scarf to my outfit and making time for some exercise like a short walk to boost my energy. My go to is lipstick, mascara and a nice pair of shoes!
>Don’t beat yourself up because of failure or fear of failure
Reflect if this is helpful and identify things that are stopping you and creating fears, but move along. Don’t stay stuck. If you are finding yourself stuck, go to your goals and get in action. Remind yourself of your achievements, do something nice for yourself, engage in self-care. Move, that is the key.
>Take control of your own confidence
Take personal control of your self-confidence. I strongly believe that you can do things to increase your self-confidence. Be in the driver’s seat, not a passenger to life. Be an advocate for yourself. Help yourself. If you need to do some extra training to become competent in something, do it. If you need counselling to overcome personal difficulties, do it. Be an enabler for yourself, not a victim. Be aware of your self-talk. How much of it is negative? Can you challenge your thinking and “redo” it? Start again? Look at things a different way?
>Confidence from the inside not out
I have often relied on external things like material things as well as the feedback of others to build my confidence. These things are short lived and require another “hit” to maintain your confidence. The effect is short lived and not long lasting. It means your confidence relies on things outside of you and often beyond your control to be uplifted and maintained. I have learnt to be more self-reliant and work on my internal state in order to build and maintain my confidence. I no longer rely on material things and the opinions of others. My confidence is more stable and strong, not so easily shakeable. I trust my intuition much more.
>Ambition is good and requires steady confidence
Striving to achieve goals is great, but often when we are driven we are also vulnerable, to the comments made by others and our confidence is easily crushed. We live in a society and world of the “tall poppy” syndrome and unfortunately sometimes there are people who won’t uplift and support us for their own personal reasons. Often these reasons have nothing to do with you, they are just projecting some sort of insecurity they have onto you. Beware. It is important to manage your feelings of self-doubt and any internal criticism. Keep focused and on your path. Go back to your goals. Again and again.
Being confident is good – for yourself and others. If you feel good about yourself this will translate to the way you relate to others. Be kind to yourself. Be confident about yourself.
Written from my heart for yours. Iris May 23 March 2021
Following the year of 2020 and all of the ups and downs faced due to COVID 19, world wide impacts of this virus, financial uncertainty, personal anxiety and sudden changes to the way we all live, 2021 opens up a new way of thinking, being and more opportunities to be kinder to ourselves. Following are some topics which will be discussed in various BLOGS in 2021:
>Killer confidence – not kill your confidence!
>Patriarchy – what is this? Why? What? Who? How? When?
>Questioning – is good!
>Alternatives to patriarchy and similar systems
>Equality – what does this really mean in 2021?
>Do you have to be good at something to do it? There is only one way to find out…
>Learning for life – it doesn’t have to be complicated, expensive or formal
>Difference, openmindedness and compassion
>A world where one size doesn’t fit all
>The impact of the media on who we are, think we are or should be
>The value of lived experience
Here at Be kind to yourselves we are open to suggestions!
Remember – be kind to yourself! Always. Iris May 21st March 2021
Vulnerability is something I have struggled with my entire life. I think it is a common struggle in certain situations for many people. Being vulnerable for me sometimes feels like allowing someone to see into the deep crevices of my soul and seeing the real me. Even I have trouble facing up to the reality of the real me! Why would I want someone else to be able to see the real me? It feels scary, open to judgement and criticism. That all the hurt, pain, mistakes, weaknesses and personal growth that I have experienced over the years will be transparent, clear as day, like I am under a microscope. That by seeing these things, people will think less of me, not like me, reject me, take advantage of me or hurt me. In truth this is sometimes exactly what has happened to me, and like a tortoise I have quickly shrunk and withdrew to a safer place, ever wary to be vulnerable again. Interestingly, my first ever blog was about how I hate asking for help! In many senses this is as much about my struggle with being vulnerable as anything else because when we have to ask for help, we leave ourselves open to rejection, being refused or left feeling misunderstood. So is being vulnerable all bad? Are there any positives to giving vulnerability more of a go? In 2021 am I prepared to push my tortoise head out more frequently and be prepared to be more vulnerable? Although being vulnerable can feel risky, there are benefits which make it worthwhile. Here are some of the reasons I haven’t given up as yet!
REAL CONNECTIONS>
Real connections are made when you allow yourself to be vulnerable with other people. If these people are your kind of people, they will meet you in the middle with acceptance, compassion, understanding, encouragement, care and hopefully some humour! They will show you empathy for your human experiences and the stories you have gathered along your journey called life! The thing to remember here is that you don’t need to connect on a deep level with everyone you meet. A handful of these connections is enough. Someone told me once “don’t give yourself away!” The reality is that for some people you will just not find a connection. This is not a sign of failure or that vulnerability was a bad thing. Move right along!
OPEN MINDEDNESS>
Being vulnerable gives you opportunities to be more open minded, accepting of others and expand your view of the world. If you are not prepared to take the risk of being vulnerable, your opinions, experiences and value judgements will be limited. This is not a positive thing, because as individuals we need to be able to “test” our views of the world, seek more information, feedback and have actual real experiences. Otherwise we risk living in a world of just theories and inward perspectives which are likely not to be in touch with reality. The world around us in every regard is constantly changing, be it amongst families, our work environments, information technology and information in general.
HEALTHY>
Being vulnerable is a healthy thing to do. It allows us to share our thoughts, feelings, emotions and experiences with others. If we hold things so tightly within us, never articulating our true feelings, this can lead to extreme stress, difficulties with relationships, working with colleagues and physical health issues.
NOT A SIGN OF FAILURE>
Showing your cards to others is not a failure, it is in fact a sign of true strength and character. If you go around all buttoned up all of the time, unprepared to share things, unwilling to be honest, show that you also make mistakes, this is going to make you seem remote and inaccessible to others. This state is not sustainable or attainable for any length of time without some form of self combustion! This is my experience anyway! I have often held my emotions and thoughts tightly and close as I feared judgement and shame. This has only led to further isolation and disconnection.
LIKE EVERYTHING – IT TAKES PRACTICE (Damn!)
Being vulnerable can seem impossible when you have experienced trauma, difficult life experiences and deep hurt. The rewards are worth it and it does take practice. The key is to listen to your instincts. You don’t have to be vulnerable in every situation or with every person. Your gut will guide you. It may not always be right but it should not be ignored. Being vulnerable is not a popularity contest or numbers game. You should only be vulnerable if you feel comfortable and emotionally and physically safe.
Here’s to not giving up on vulnerability!
Wishing you all the best for 2021. Iris May 17th Feb 2021
What a perfect BLOG topic to end the year on! Especially since tomorrow, I am having a hip replacement!! This is a topic that a few followers really wanted discussed. To open up an honest conversation since (ahhem!) some of us are heading in this fantastic direction…..
As we age, we have a wealth of experience and insights from our lived experiences. This means we are well placed and primed to determine how we want to age, what we are going to do etc. For each BLOG I write, I always do a bit of research. Funnily enough, for this topic I found next to nothing! We my friends are breaking new ground. Paving the way for growing old disgracefully! Here are some of my insights and thoughts:
Forget the rules!>
There are no bloody rules! That is the rule….. Just because you are maturing doesn’t mean there are any rules to be followed in this regard. In fact, I would encourage you to push the boundaries! Question things, open up your minds to new ideas, experiences and opportunities. Why not! I am not suggesting you do things that are unethical or illegal, but often as women we are conditioned to please, agree and compromise. We often put aside our hearts desires to meet the needs of others. There is no other time like the present to experience new things. Do the things you have always wanted to do, the things that you worried might inconvenience others. Forget the notion that we are ever going to be little grey haired old ladies knitting politely in a corner drinking tea saying “yes dear?” .
Try new things>
Trying new things opens us up to new possibilities, ideas, thinking and also being creative. This is often when we are out of our normal comfort zone. We are no longer experts or know what or how something is done. It puts us into a different zone. Don’t be afraid of this zone. I recently wrote a list of some things I would like to do that I have never done before. I felt really excited and inspired afterwards. I am making plans to undertake them. Name it and then claim it! Give yourself something different to look forward to. The sky is the limit. Chose blue not grey! Try new not bland! Look back at BLOG#8 Creativity is not a bone in your body!
Plan to have fun>
For the past 2 to 3 decades my life has been mostly about work and family, with no regrets. I’m sure I am not alone in this. There was however not a lot of time to have fun as well as money. The definition of fun is different for everyone. For me it is spending time with precious good friends, laughing, having hearty discussions about just about anything, sharing experiences about our journey to the here and now. Travelling is something I really want to do next. Soon. Now! See different places, interact with new people and explore. At my own pace away from the race! See BLOG#7 Fun Factor!
Let your hair down!>
Don’t be all buttoned up all of the time. Life is full of responsibilities but hopefully these are lessening. Go out and party – you can still be home by 10pm! Book the taxi so you can have a drink or three and not worry about how you are going to get home. Go away for a few nights with those good friends or your partner, leaving the kids to fend for themselves. They will love the opportunity to experience some independence and freedom. Have a drink at that trendy bar filled with “young” and “inexperienced” people. Go dancing. It isn’t really about what you do, it is about being spontaneous and letting yourself go a bit. Stepping outside the mold of adulting and responsibility, the freedom to do whatever lets your hair down.
Sex – yes please….>
Quality is better than quantity here, as well as some good lubrication! If my children read this – deal with it! By now you know what you enjoy and like so if you haven’t said so – do it! Foreplay is important especially for women. Surely, we are past just “doin it for the team”. Sex is an important part of an intimate relationship. Intimacy is not just about sex, it is about trust, closeness and being able to express ourselves. Sex is also not always about intercourse. As we age there are other ways, we can enjoy our sexuality. My challenge is for all of us to embrace our sexuality, even as we age. It is a complete myth that just because we are getting older, we should no longer desire or think about sex. Have a look back at BLOG# 12 The feminine feminist
Be honest, be direct, with yourself and others>
By now we have earnt the right to be frank. With ourselves and others. What works for you? What doesn’t work for you? What are you capable of? I am finding these to be very important questions as I get older. What really matters? To me? Brutality and abrasiveness are not required, just assertive conversations expressed from your point of view. Look back at BLOG # 18 The boundary fence.
Work to live, not live to work>
Most of us do have to work. For some time yet. Full retirement at 60 seems impossible for most of us. We have had our children later in life, many of us still have children living at home and will have for some time yet. Yes, a good job and a career is a wonderful aspiration and thing, but don’t make it be everything. Make time for enjoying life, being with loved ones and good friends, relaxing and doing what you enjoy. In your personal time don’t be tempted to look at work emails. Value your personal time and what it can offer you outside of work. Look back at BLOG#17 Money? Isn’t everything.
Choose good friends>
In my previous BLOG#6 The Sisterhood, I wrote about this very topic. Choosing good friends is about being with your tribe, people who get you, support you through the highs, mediums and lows of life, people you can be real with and have a good belly laugh over some of life’s moments be they good, bad or unexpected! You will probably only find a good handful of these types of people. That’s ok. Quality is the key not quantity. As we age these friends become even more important to us. Our kids and other family members grow up and move on. Invest in a few good friends. Make time for each other. Care about each other. Be there for each other. As time passes by you will see a definite return on your investment.
Make time for yourself>
By this time, you will have supported many other people throughout life, whether it be family, your partner, raising children or supporting others in your community. Now is your time. To put yourself at the top of your agenda. If you have always wanted to do something, make it happen. Only you can make it happen. Don’t expect those around you to necessarily all endorse “you”. This “new” you. They might need to step up, be more independent. Don’t let this stop you in your tracks. Be even more determined. You get out of life what you put in. It is that simple. Look back at BLOG#11 Live life from your heart.
Relax & kick back>
I love the slow movement. It represents the opportunity to go about things in a considered manner, appreciating the intricacies and parts of whatever it is you are doing. My body and mind are calling me to the slow movement. To take a breath, enjoy the physical and mental benefits of relaxing. Often there is no cost involved. Turn the speed down on life at times. Stop rushing. Don’t burn yourself out. Ask for help. Remember BLOG#4 Burnout and BLOG#3 I hate asking for help!
Look after your health>
This sounds like boring and possibly obvious advice. I guess it is, however as we age this is as important as ever. It is never too late to increase your level of fitness if it is low. It is never too late to shift a few kilos. If you have mental health issues, see your GP or a counsellor. Start small. Every bit of exercise helps such as a small walk or a swim. Increase the quantity of vegetables and fruits you eat rather than processes convenience food. Have an informal chat with your GP. You don’t have to go all out. Just start somewhere. Balance is the key. This is all about longevity, increasing your lifespan and quality of life. Get some friends to join you and have a laugh and a chat at the same time. Invest in yourself. Invest in your health. Without good health, it is hard to enjoy the fullness of what life has to offer. Look back at BLOG#16 In the habit
Embrace your body and style>
Our bodies are changing and it is time to embrace who we are. Fashion and accessories have never been more affordable. Forget the twin sets and pearls! Whatever your look and style, embrace it, with confidence. Change it up if you like, as often as you want and can afford. If this is not your thing that is also ok. Just remember to do what makes you feel confident and comfortable. That is the key. What I am saying here is that just because we are aging, doesn’t mean we have to be daggy or prim and proper. Hang onto a bit of that sass, spunk and individuality. There is no need to “blend” in or be “invisible” or adhere to some aging dress code. Have a look again at my BLOG# 10 Body – have I told you lately I love you? Remember, we only get one body.
Be positive!
Having a good mindset as we age is important. We will continue to face challenges along the way. This is life. Expect the unexpected. We don’t have to look at the aging process all the time through a rose-tinted set of glasses, but our outlook and approach can change the way we see challenges and difficulties. Check out BLOG# Positivity – positively nauseous!
I will keep doing my “personal” research on this topic – aging disgracefully! I will keep you posted! All feedback welcome.
Be Kind to Yourselves - BK2Y 