BLOG # 15 Can we be happy everyday?

We live in a modern world full of expectations, goals to be achieved, schedules to adhere to and a zillion tasks it feels like to be completed. All of these pressures sometimes overwhelm us and it all gets to us. We forget to take a breather, feel like we are on a treadmill and that life is a daily grind. Failure seems to be a frequent visitor because we are always measuring ourselves against our expectations, goals, schedules and tasks – not met or achieved! Now on top of all this we have COVID 19 to deal with. WHAM…….We also live in an ‘international” world where information about not only local and national affairs comes our way, but also worldwide information about tragedy, violence and sadness occurring on mass from all corners of the globe. We no longer live in our local community bubble. Add social media of many forms also to this mix. Oh boy! Oh girl! Oh all genders of this universe!

Given all of these things, is it possible to be happy everyday? Are we expecting too much? Is the desire for happiness also a modern phenomenon? Are we overthinking things and life in general? What does all of this have to do with self-kindness? Oh so many questions you ask?!

What does happiness mean anyway? It is such a loaded word which can mean different things to different people. There seems to be so much pressure on this being our desired destination. Why does it mean so much to us? More questions!

There are many things to be happy and grateful for on a daily basis. It is easy to forget what these are, even not be aware of them or overlook them. It doesn’t help that the goal posts for living life are no longer just about meeting our basic human needs such as food, shelter and safety (anyone remember studying Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs theory?).

Like mindfulness, happiness is very much a desired destination, and the two things have much in common. It also take energy to be unhappy, resentful, upset, angry, disappointed and annoyed. These are definitely not desired states, but the real news is that they are normal human emotions, not totally avoidable. We will and do find ourselves in situations which trigger these emotions, so part of our ability to reach a happy state is accepting this! The other part of this is then deciding on how long you chose to remain in these unhappy states. How you handle the situation will determine this and we do have control over this to a large extent. This is the good news! Abraham Lincoln is famously quoted as saying, “most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.”

I have decided that the short answer to the question is that yes it is possible to be happy everyday. The long answer is that in our modern society it seems to take effort and a dedicated commitment to your mindset around happiness. It requires a simpler approach and definition of what happiness actually means and looks like. It means going back to basics and appreciating the simple things in life like good health, relationships be they with family or friends, a reliable job and workplace that is flexible and caring, beautiful food, nature, opportunities to be creative, love, humour, laughter – just to name a few. The list could go on and will look entirely different for some people.

Our past and our stories will also shape what makes us happy and what is important to us. For example, being able to dress beautifully and express myself with lovely make up and jewellery is something that I treasure. I grew up in a repressive religion and also a family that did not have a lot of spare money. This is my story. These things make me happy. No one else needs to approve of this or understand it.

Some ways to be happy (still oh so loaded!) everyday:

>Put a daily prompt in your diary asking “what am I happy for today”. It could be your diary in your phone, e-calendar or whatever works for you. I have started doing this and it really does pull me up and make me think! Not too hard. It is not supposed to be difficult…

>Live more in the moment. I don’t mean to sound wanky here, but if we cannot enjoy what is happening now, what’s the point really? Life is not a series of one act plays. We don’t get to revisit moments in time or see the play of our lives again.

>Set yourself less goals. Life is short and let’s face it we cannot take anything material with us when our time is up! On our gravestone it will not mention how many qualifications, high profile jobs or the balance in our bank account or how many assets we ever owned. You will be remembered (for a short while!) for who you were. Your ability to be real and authentic. Your relationships and connections.

>Go back to the basics of happiness. Sit down and appreciate all the simple things you take for granted. Write them down. Remind yourself. Be real. Be open-minded.

>Limit your exposure to radio, social media, TV, print media etc. We do not need to have on repeat and in graphic sensational form information about tragedy from all over the country and the globe. Think about it. In times gone by, back in history, local tribes and communities did not know anything that was going on beyond their own tribe or community. Evidence shows they were happier! I actually turn off my radio when the news comes on, and I refuse to watch the news and current affairs on TV. Do what works for you.

>Be kinder to yourself. As human beings we come with a raft of potential feelings and emotions. Feelings and emotions happen for a reason. They are an indicator of what is going on. How we react to situations. Sure don’t let them “run” you. Overtake you. Equally so don’t push them under the carpet to be tripped over for ever and ever amen!

>Treat yourself! Eat chocolate! Have a drink! Enjoy some hot chips with extra salt! Have that hamburger! Treat yourself! Nothing further to say!